The Holy Trinity of Embarrassment

Ecstasy is the only word to describe the feeling any football fan outside of the Northeast felt. The 18-0 Patriots LOST. It felt like it would never happen. The team that was caught cheating, has a smug head coach, has numerous cheap players, and a thug as a star wide receiver LOST! If the 1999 Yankees were the Evil Empire, what are the Patriots? I would say that they are the Sith, led by Emperor Belichick himself.

If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!


So I mentioned the trilogy. Here it is. The Patriots never look ahead of everything. That's why they didn't make a book or patent anything. Oh wait.

Way to go Patriots. I see you took the one game at a time policy to heart. That's embarrassing. The father of all embarrassments.

Well, it can't get worse. I mean, their star QB didn't laugh at the thought of them scoring 17 points? Oh wait.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kJ2yK5C9Ae4

"We're only going to score 17 points? Hahahaha!" Hey Brady, you only scored 14 points. Hahahaha! Son of all embarrassments.

Well, I mean, it's not like they were going to break a big record anyways. They were just a normal team. No shame in losing. Oh wait.



18-1. So they are the best team NOT to win the Super Bowl. The Sith were the worst team not to win the Rebel War (nerd!). 19-0 is just a dream. It will never be accomplished, and this just proved it. Perfection is impossible. The Patriots will be forgotten. They are just a ghost.

The trinity of embarrassment. In the name of the book, and of the laughing, and of the holy loss.

And I know I was rough on Belichick comparing him to Palpatine, so I already have your response in video form.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UFfobQftP5k

18-1

C'mon-Everyone's Doing It!

The Super Bowl is coming up, tomorrow in fact, and everyone has to make a prediction. Even people who don't watch football pick this game. You can gamble on everything from the coin toss to the halftime show. I haven't had an NFL blog in a while--mostly due to post-losing depression--so I felt like I need a short, sweet, and to the point prediction.

Here is the score. You can take this to Vegas, because if I'm good at one thing, it's picking games. 24-23 Giants. Stephen Gostkowski will miss a game-winning field goal off of the crossbar, and Adam Vinatieri will then fly to Glendale, and kick a field goal from the same exact spot, making it easily. All non-Patriots fans will all cheer until they go hoarse, for the Evil Empire of the NFL will have fallen short.

Stats
Eli Manning throws 1 touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress on a 58 yard go route in the third quarter, and he throws one interception which is picked off by Adalius Thomas and returned to the Giants' 35. He throws for 234 yards while going 19 for 34.

Brandon Jacobs has a career day with a 124 yards on 18 carries and 2 touchdowns.

Ahmad Bradshaw comes in late in the game to burn some clock, getting 24 yards on 9 carries.

Plaxico Burress has the touchdown catch along with eight other catches for 108 yards. Most of them are compiled on slants and drags.

Amani Toomer, Ahmad Bradshaw, Brandon Jacobs, David Tyree, and Sinorice Moss catch the other 11.

Justin Tuck leads the Giants with 2 sacks. Antonio Pierce has 11 tackles with 2.5 for a loss. Gibril Wilson will have an interception. Osi Umenyiora will force and recover a Laurence Maroney fumble.

Tom Brady will throw an amazing 53 passes for 379 yards, completing 41 of them. He will throw for 2 touchdowns and 1 interception.

Laurence Maroney will run the ball 10 times for 47 yards. Heath Evans will run it twice for 5 yards, both within the 10 yard line.

Randy Moss will have 3 catches for 61 yards, but no touchdowns.

Wes Welker will have 9 catches for 99 yards and a touchdown.

Kevin Faulk will have 15 catches for 51 yards and a touchdown.

Donte Stallworth will have 2 catches for 79 yards, 59 coming on a big first quarter pass.

Laurence Maroney, Heath Evans, Jabar Gaffney, Troy Brown, Ben Watson, and Kyle Brady will catch the rest.

Richard Seymour will have 8 tackles, leading the Pats. Adalius Thomas will have a pick and 2 sacks.

MVP: Eli Manning. Like XLI, the backs may have had a better game, but Manning will have led them to victory, shaving 9 of the 15 fourth quarter minutes off of the clock.

GOAT: Stephen Gostkowski. You can't miss a game-winning field goal.

If any of these, especially the score, come true, I will change this blog's name to Manlove for Manning. You can bet on it. You better.