The Holy Trinity of Embarrassment

Ecstasy is the only word to describe the feeling any football fan outside of the Northeast felt. The 18-0 Patriots LOST. It felt like it would never happen. The team that was caught cheating, has a smug head coach, has numerous cheap players, and a thug as a star wide receiver LOST! If the 1999 Yankees were the Evil Empire, what are the Patriots? I would say that they are the Sith, led by Emperor Belichick himself.

If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!


So I mentioned the trilogy. Here it is. The Patriots never look ahead of everything. That's why they didn't make a book or patent anything. Oh wait.

Way to go Patriots. I see you took the one game at a time policy to heart. That's embarrassing. The father of all embarrassments.

Well, it can't get worse. I mean, their star QB didn't laugh at the thought of them scoring 17 points? Oh wait.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kJ2yK5C9Ae4

"We're only going to score 17 points? Hahahaha!" Hey Brady, you only scored 14 points. Hahahaha! Son of all embarrassments.

Well, I mean, it's not like they were going to break a big record anyways. They were just a normal team. No shame in losing. Oh wait.



18-1. So they are the best team NOT to win the Super Bowl. The Sith were the worst team not to win the Rebel War (nerd!). 19-0 is just a dream. It will never be accomplished, and this just proved it. Perfection is impossible. The Patriots will be forgotten. They are just a ghost.

The trinity of embarrassment. In the name of the book, and of the laughing, and of the holy loss.

And I know I was rough on Belichick comparing him to Palpatine, so I already have your response in video form.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UFfobQftP5k

18-1

C'mon-Everyone's Doing It!

The Super Bowl is coming up, tomorrow in fact, and everyone has to make a prediction. Even people who don't watch football pick this game. You can gamble on everything from the coin toss to the halftime show. I haven't had an NFL blog in a while--mostly due to post-losing depression--so I felt like I need a short, sweet, and to the point prediction.

Here is the score. You can take this to Vegas, because if I'm good at one thing, it's picking games. 24-23 Giants. Stephen Gostkowski will miss a game-winning field goal off of the crossbar, and Adam Vinatieri will then fly to Glendale, and kick a field goal from the same exact spot, making it easily. All non-Patriots fans will all cheer until they go hoarse, for the Evil Empire of the NFL will have fallen short.

Stats
Eli Manning throws 1 touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress on a 58 yard go route in the third quarter, and he throws one interception which is picked off by Adalius Thomas and returned to the Giants' 35. He throws for 234 yards while going 19 for 34.

Brandon Jacobs has a career day with a 124 yards on 18 carries and 2 touchdowns.

Ahmad Bradshaw comes in late in the game to burn some clock, getting 24 yards on 9 carries.

Plaxico Burress has the touchdown catch along with eight other catches for 108 yards. Most of them are compiled on slants and drags.

Amani Toomer, Ahmad Bradshaw, Brandon Jacobs, David Tyree, and Sinorice Moss catch the other 11.

Justin Tuck leads the Giants with 2 sacks. Antonio Pierce has 11 tackles with 2.5 for a loss. Gibril Wilson will have an interception. Osi Umenyiora will force and recover a Laurence Maroney fumble.

Tom Brady will throw an amazing 53 passes for 379 yards, completing 41 of them. He will throw for 2 touchdowns and 1 interception.

Laurence Maroney will run the ball 10 times for 47 yards. Heath Evans will run it twice for 5 yards, both within the 10 yard line.

Randy Moss will have 3 catches for 61 yards, but no touchdowns.

Wes Welker will have 9 catches for 99 yards and a touchdown.

Kevin Faulk will have 15 catches for 51 yards and a touchdown.

Donte Stallworth will have 2 catches for 79 yards, 59 coming on a big first quarter pass.

Laurence Maroney, Heath Evans, Jabar Gaffney, Troy Brown, Ben Watson, and Kyle Brady will catch the rest.

Richard Seymour will have 8 tackles, leading the Pats. Adalius Thomas will have a pick and 2 sacks.

MVP: Eli Manning. Like XLI, the backs may have had a better game, but Manning will have led them to victory, shaving 9 of the 15 fourth quarter minutes off of the clock.

GOAT: Stephen Gostkowski. You can't miss a game-winning field goal.

If any of these, especially the score, come true, I will change this blog's name to Manlove for Manning. You can bet on it. You better.

Hey...I've Seen This Before!

C'mon Colts. I mean, I know you were having trouble following up the Super Bowl win, but don't recycle material. The Colts losing in the playoffs? Seen it. One and done seems to be a growing trend for the Colts. Sometimes the breaks are bad, but this time, it was the other team who had the injury problem. LaDanian Tomlinson went down with a knee injury. Phillip Rivers was hurt due to, well, sucking. He wasn't even touched, and it's FieldTurf. Of course, this injury is a benefit. Phillip Rivers is one of the worst quarterbacks in the league. We know that Antonio Gates was hurt, and Lorenzo Neal missed the game. The Colts had everyone not on injured reserve in this game. It is amazing that they lost to such an undermanned team. It shows motivation. Last year, the Colts had no motivation. They were just a normal team. Guess what. They won it all. In 2005, they could have played for the Dungy family. They lost to a Steelers team that was just not as talented. The Colts don't respond well to motivation. I know it's weird, but it's true. Next year, the Colts can hope for NOTHING. They don't need any trouble with the coaches. They don't need high expectations. They need NOTHING. However, there are more outrageous reasons why the Colts lost. Little patterns I have noticed that are a coincidence.

The Year After

Last year, the Colts were coming off of a disappointing year where they were the number one seed in the AFC. They won it all the next year. Eh. That's just once. Or is it. When the Colts lost even when they had home field advantage, the Steelers beat them on their amazing run to the Super Bowl. The year before, they went 15-1 in Ben Roethlisberger's first year. This is a trend that has been going on for a while. The Patriots had the best record in the AFC in 2003, and they won the championship in 2004. However, the Patriots did win the championship in 2003, which is a snag in the pattern. In recent history, this seems to be more than a coincidence. The Chargers were 14-2 last year, and maybe they are on a mission. If the Chargers would somehow win it all, this would have to be mentioned in the main stream media. 4 times in 5 years? That would be too much to ignore.

Football Gods

I don't know who the football gods are, but they must have decided that one was enough for the Colts. I know every team has injuries and blah, blah, blah, but the Colts were without Marvin Harrison, Anthony Gonzalez, Joseph Addai, Dallas Clark, Tony Ugoh, Ryan Diem, Robert Mathis, Raheem Brock, Dwight Freeney, Rob Morris, Tyjuan Hagler, Freddie Keiaho, Antoine Bethea, Tim Jennings, Dante Hughes, and Bob Sanders at some point in the year. I would like to see the Patriots win a game without Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Ben Watson, Matt Light, Logan Mankins, Richard Seymour, Michael Vrabel, Tedy Bruschi, and Vince Wilfork for a road game. That's what the Colts had to deal with against the Chargers. Sure, it didn't mean anything in the playoffs, but what about momentum. You can't continue to build momentum when everyone is missing games. This showed in the playoffs. The Chargers did not have very many injuries until the playoffs. They had the momentum. The football gods decided that the regular season wasn't enough. They needed for Joseph Addai, Kenton Keith, Jake Scott, Reggie Wayne, and Bob Sanders to get banged up. The football gods show no mercy.

DO NOT REST THE STARTERS!

This may not be a reason why they lost, but it is a reason why they didn't win. Let me elaborate. The Giants and Chargers are not the best teams in the league, but they are on a roll and in their conference championships. You know why. They played their starters. Eli Manning is on fire, and the Chargers defense is unstoppable. They didn't rest their starters. This is a simple reason why the Chargers dominated the Colts yesterday.

I have nothing left to say but, Super Bowl XLIII here we come!